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05-Mar-2016 05:24

Her advice started out fairly unremarkable (“Yes, third-grade boys are, quite literally, immature”), but as I grew older, her wisdom proved ever more astute — even if it took me a while to appreciate it.When my high-school boyfriend broke up with me and promptly got back together with his ex-girlfriend, for example, my mom bypassed the usual reassuring clichés.Those were followed by a masquerade-themed mixer, where SBs could practice their newly honed skills on a club full of SDs (and oh was that whole soirée delightful).The Sugar Baby Lifestyle gets a lot of flack for being anti-feminist, patriarchal, or simply glorified sex work.My parents have a great marriage and a terrible love story.Their union was arranged in India back in 1975, when my then-18-year-old mom agreed to marry a 26-year-old man with a mutton-chop mustache the size of Madras whom she’d known all of three weeks. I used to be jealous of my American friends, with their sitcom-worthy parents who publicly kissed on the mouth.

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Recently, my friend Vivek and I were discussing dating in America while growing up as products of arranged marriage.

A few years later, my friend Neha and I were each dating great guys with too much big, scary baggage — and we were sure that if we solved all their problems they’d have no choice but to love us. “Your long-term goal to making this relationship work can’t be fixing his problems — they’re just going to drag you down.” Her advice was to cut bait, and quickly, because “relationships are hard enough to maintain, and even harder to walk away from, without starting off at a disadvantage.” We were both, of course, instantly unthrilled. “Your mom was totally right,” Neha said recently, looking back.

“If you spend all your time worrying about how to fix him and make him happy, when are you going to find out what makes you happy?

And somewhere along the way, between elementary-school swooning and post-college relationships, something unexpected happened.

My apparently non-romantic mother, a woman who’s never been on a date, became the best dating guru I’ve ever met.Since then, they’ve developed the type of stable partnership that can only come from spending nearly four decades with someone. In contrast, my parents, like many Indian parents, were more restrained.



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